Story of my life

Girl meets boy. Boy lives far. Girl lives here. Boy + Girl talk almost daily. Girl doesn't see boy in person for five months. Girl gets text from Boy. Surprise two day visit. Boy is awesome. Boy goes home. Girl is glad to have own space back and at the same time feels lucky that boy would come all that way to see her. Girl is conflicted. Bitches be crazy.

Dear Mella:

Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful.
They can all get fucked just stay true to you.
Take your bruises, take your lumps.
Fall down? Then get right back up.
And when it gets too heavy put your burdens aside so you can pick the world up and drop it on their fucking heads.
'Cause all the bullshit makes you strong.
So when push comes to shove just stand up and scream fuck 'em all.
You're eyes make stars look like they're not shining.
When you smile the whole world stops and stares for a while.
'Cause you're Amazing.

Sincerely,

Don't give a fack Jaq

P.S. Keep your shoes on your feet, you don't have to walk no thousand miles. And if anyone asks you what size you wear don't forget to say "My size."

Waste (Original)

Hateful expressions

Hello my name is Carmella. Many call me: Carmella, Carmen, Carm, Car, Mella, Mels, My Mella, Cracker snacks, Carckalack, Jackalack, Psycho Jaq, Jaq and probably a few by that bald chick.
I work very very hard at making sure that everyone around me has what they need. However it seems that no one is thinking the same way that I am.
I can start a conversation about a horrific experience I have had with a close, dear friend. Then seamlessly they have turned the subject to a similar experience of theirs that they need to talk about and I then listen.
For years I have put aside the fact that I needed to talk and they deflected to themselves. I have begun to shut my brain down. I forget things. My whole childhood is nearly gone. That conversation we had, the traumatic experience we shared, that shit just isn't there. All I have left is a feeling.
Unfortunately those feelings are more often wrong than right.
What I am trying to say is that I am getting tired. I am feeling taken fore granted, I am going to day a miserable and lonely death because no one sees what I see.

Today

So today I was in an establishment with Sabers. We overhead a gentlemen as one of the owners (we just know this) if there were hiring. We then overheard her telling him that they were and how tired she was because they didn't have enough staff, etc.

20 minutes pass.

30 minutes pass.

I ask her in the same setting and with similar enthusiasm if they are hiring. She replies. "Actually we're not."

Now I'm going to not go into more details or continue to rant about my curiosity of why the story changed *cough*( because you're a bald girl ) *cough* because I don't really feel like getting all worked up and over analyzing it until my brain pops.

Instead I'm gonna have movie night with the most important men on Earth.

BLEH!

Me

2010 Can SUCK it!!

The only nice thing about 2010 is that I got the hell out of Klamath Falls. Denver is nice and all but it's a huge pain in the ass for me to get a job as I have no support network for my kiddos here and the hours I will be working (eventually when I find employment) will force me to either leave my children alone to put themselves to bed or to get up and find they're own way to school. This is so unacceptable on so many levels and there is nothing I can do about it.
My divorce is still not finalized and we've been separated for eons. Why the fuck is it so easy to get married and so difficult to get divorced?
Currently Sunshine is M.I.A. having only said "I'll be back" at 10:30 pm last night. Hopefully he had to work a double and is already at work so that he doesn't end up fired for not showing up to his regular schedule at 1:15 pm today ... since he hasn't been back I'm guessing that's not going to happen. After all he would need a uniform.
I have a huge house to clean before our inspection. I need to start vlogging again. Such a good way to vent my frustrations, why did I ever stop?

untitled

Do you every feel like you'll never learn the leason they teach? I do. Furthermore I'm pretty sure I'll never figure out what it is I'm supposed to be studying. I feel like I keep coming back to this earth over and over without the synapses needed to establish the pattern, moral, or meaning of it all. It's like stumbling and failing are what was meant for me and it's certainly tiring. That is all, loves