Hateful expressions

Hello my name is Carmella. Many call me: Carmella, Carmen, Carm, Car, Mella, Mels, My Mella, Cracker snacks, Carckalack, Jackalack, Psycho Jaq, Jaq and probably a few by that bald chick.
I work very very hard at making sure that everyone around me has what they need. However it seems that no one is thinking the same way that I am.
I can start a conversation about a horrific experience I have had with a close, dear friend. Then seamlessly they have turned the subject to a similar experience of theirs that they need to talk about and I then listen.
For years I have put aside the fact that I needed to talk and they deflected to themselves. I have begun to shut my brain down. I forget things. My whole childhood is nearly gone. That conversation we had, the traumatic experience we shared, that shit just isn't there. All I have left is a feeling.
Unfortunately those feelings are more often wrong than right.
What I am trying to say is that I am getting tired. I am feeling taken fore granted, I am going to day a miserable and lonely death because no one sees what I see.

Today

So today I was in an establishment with Sabers. We overhead a gentlemen as one of the owners (we just know this) if there were hiring. We then overheard her telling him that they were and how tired she was because they didn't have enough staff, etc.

20 minutes pass.

30 minutes pass.

I ask her in the same setting and with similar enthusiasm if they are hiring. She replies. "Actually we're not."

Now I'm going to not go into more details or continue to rant about my curiosity of why the story changed *cough*( because you're a bald girl ) *cough* because I don't really feel like getting all worked up and over analyzing it until my brain pops.

Instead I'm gonna have movie night with the most important men on Earth.

BLEH!

Me

2010 Can SUCK it!!

The only nice thing about 2010 is that I got the hell out of Klamath Falls. Denver is nice and all but it's a huge pain in the ass for me to get a job as I have no support network for my kiddos here and the hours I will be working (eventually when I find employment) will force me to either leave my children alone to put themselves to bed or to get up and find they're own way to school. This is so unacceptable on so many levels and there is nothing I can do about it.
My divorce is still not finalized and we've been separated for eons. Why the fuck is it so easy to get married and so difficult to get divorced?
Currently Sunshine is M.I.A. having only said "I'll be back" at 10:30 pm last night. Hopefully he had to work a double and is already at work so that he doesn't end up fired for not showing up to his regular schedule at 1:15 pm today ... since he hasn't been back I'm guessing that's not going to happen. After all he would need a uniform.
I have a huge house to clean before our inspection. I need to start vlogging again. Such a good way to vent my frustrations, why did I ever stop?

untitled

Do you every feel like you'll never learn the leason they teach? I do. Furthermore I'm pretty sure I'll never figure out what it is I'm supposed to be studying. I feel like I keep coming back to this earth over and over without the synapses needed to establish the pattern, moral, or meaning of it all. It's like stumbling and failing are what was meant for me and it's certainly tiring. That is all, loves

Spastic realizations

I really need to get a life. That is all.

Paying it forward

Last week on the radio I heard Psycho Shannon was paying it forward by giving away $100 dollars of her birthday money in 5 dollar bills. The next day I took my boys to lunch with a friend of theirs and the table next to us picked up our tab and left without a word. We found out when we tried to pay. So I went to the coffee shop and paid for the next persons drink.

Then I went to the gym and realized how much more I enjoy it when I make it there during a specific time of day, when it's me and the same friendly group who smile and way at each other. So I paid it forward by smiling and waving at a guy I don't see there that often. Maybe it'll give him a morale boast and he'll come more often, or enjoy it more, I don't know ... it's just an idea

Child Welfare System is Bogus

I am the mother of a 11 year old boy living with Autism. He does not like school, he is brilliant, but the system doesn't fit him. He wrote this story:

"All who destroy my hard work will NEVER go to heaven. Hatred in the school comes from teachers. We work harder than people think, then teachers destroy it all. School is evil, villainous and work-bashing. Why must they do this? Do they actually hate kids? This will stop when true freedom rings ... when kids have the equal power as adults ... when the united states is REALLY united." - Cory
"Freedom is impersonated..."

His teacher sent it to the student counselor.

The student counselor called Child Welfare.

Child Welfare came and interviewed my kids at school (not notifying me).

Child Welfare came to my house and interviewed me.

I opened this shop

Come visit my store on CafePress!